SUICIDE PREVENTION WEEK – ARE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS NORMAL?
Suicide is something which has affected my family massively in the past. It is, sadly, something which could affect us again in the future – especially if we don’t speak openly and honestly about it. I therefore felt I should dedicate a full blog to the issue, rather than simply copying, pasting and sharing the most recent Suicide Prevention Week status currently circulating the web.
As with many people, suicide is something I’ve grown up with. It’s always been around like a musky smell in the spare room; the type you only notice on occasion but which you know is always there. Since my teenage years, I’ve been aware of the causes and the consequences. I won’t deny that anytime shit hits the fan for me it is generally the first thing I think about. I’ll go sit on the edge of the derelict bridge in Avenham Park and consider what the person who discovers my trainers would think of the design on them… Or I’ll sit in a hotel room and wonder how long it’d take for who ever to find me… I don’t think I need counselling (or maybe I do?) For me, it’s a normal thought process; something which helps me consider all eventualities; realise the importance of those in my life.
…Before everything gets back to normal.
Just as I’m on the verge of clicking that self destruct button, I instead click on Google, and search for an escape strategy. This might be a last minute holiday, a potential new job or prospective voluntary opportunities abroad. In fact, it’s been these moments of desperation that have pushed me to do most, if not all, of the beautiful things I have done. My upcoming adventure in Nicaragua was an after thought from initially wanting to email various documents to the Daily Mail before throwing myself off London’s Blue Fin building. I look back at this particular thought process now and, whilst the issue leading to these feelings still upsets me, I can at least see a little perspective… ‘I wanted to get back into writing anyway…’ I tell myself. (Thus, this blog was born)
At the time, writing was the last thing on my mind. (Well various statuses and tweets were published – on both my personal accounts and on the company accounts of those who sacked me, but that’s for another day – for after the tribunal.)
Perspective and hindsight really are wonderful things. We don’t realise how much we’ve done, grown, achieved, whatever you want to call it, until you move on and look back. If times are hard now and you’re feeling desperate, think back to a time in the past when you’ve felt similar, or when someone you know may have been in a similar position… It was over come then. And it’ll be over come again. Another way to look at things is by reminding yourself that there are more than six billion people on this planet. Someone will have been in a similar position to you at some point, and they’ll be fine now. Many of them will have been in much worse positions too. And they too will be fine now – or at least they will be in the future, i’m sure.
If that doesn’t work, simply escape the situation; get away, move away, leave for a while or try something different. There’s an old saying, ‘Do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you’ve always got…’ I live by this now and try to remind myself of it in all that I do. It’s partly why I’m speaking so openly about suicide here. It’s something I think all who may be vulnerable to suicide should do: Speak openly – Particularly if you wouldn’t normally.
For more information about my upcoming escapades in Nicaragua check out my Twitter feed. For more information on the charity I’m going with, the fundraising I’ve done and why I’m doing it, click here.
Love and peace to all – except to those who screw us over! 😉
PS) There must be plenty more people out there who go through similar thought processes… Right? :-/